Merry Making
by Nikki Flinn
Summary: Being the Many and Sordid Adventures of Lucius Malfoy, Former Death Eater and Certified Crazy Person and Company.
1. Wherein Lucius is Proclaimed Insane Rep

Merry Making: Being the Many and Sordid Adventures of Lucius Malfoy, Former Death Eater and Certified Crazy Person and Company.

Chapter One

Wherein Lucius is Proclaimed Insane. Repeatedly.

Narcissa Malfoy fixed her steely blue eyes on the doctor before her. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?" she demanded in a voice as soft and deadly as silk wrapped knives.

The doctor quailed under the onslaught but managed the following without once stuttering: "Mrs. Malfoy, I'm afraid your husband is insane."

_No fucking shit,_ Narcissa thought, looking out the window of the doctor's office. It overlooked one of the many 'game rooms' of the mental ward of St. Mungos. Down in the room, standing at a table was her husband, the man in question.

Narcissa was not terribly surprised with what the doctor was telling her. After a three year stint in Azkaban, it was entirely believable that her husband had flipped his gourd. The only question that remained was what to _do_ with him.

"Mrs. Malfoy?"

"Let me try to guess what you're about to say," she said with a little sigh. "My husband needs constant supervision. Something St. Mungos would be more than happy to give him if it weren't for the fact that he scares people out of a year of their life every time he talks to them."

The doctor seemed relieved that she grasped the idea so readily.

With another sigh, she rose to her feet. "Have my husband readied. I will be taking him home with me within the hour."

8()8()8

In later years there would be much debate as to when exactly Lucius Malfoy came up with his plan to have his son married off. Some said it was around the time the flying pineapples of Azkaban started talking to him. Others would insist it was when his Dementors began wearing tutus and developed a scary similarity to Gerard Butler.

The smart money would guess that it all originated from the following conversation.

"Lucius."

Lucius looked up from the puzzle he'd been working on (it was supposed to be of a kitten (one of those ones with a disgustingly cute motivational saying; you know the ones of which I speak) but under his ministrations, it had taken to resembling what could only be described as a rabid, hormonally challenged female aardvark). Lucius was surprised to see Snape and Voldemort both standing before him.

His surprise stemmed less from the fact that both men were dead, the latter having killed the former, and more from the fact that Snape was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and matching shorts. Voldemort was dressed in his usual sombre attire and appeared to be trying to ignore the bright pink drink Snape was sipping from a clear goblet that was lighting up at the base in alternating red and yellow.

"My lord?" Lucius stammered.

"Lucius, we have come to have a word." The Dark Lord attempted to look dark and foreboding but the effect was ruined by Snape as the other man slurped loudly on his drink.

"Will you stop that?" Voldemort demanded, rounding on his companion. "I am trying to have a serious conversation here!"

Snape shrugged but set his drink down.

"Now then, Lucius, we need to have a word."

"About what?" Lucius asked.

"You're insane," Snape provided.

"Damnit Severus!" Voldemort groaned. "We discussed this on the way over!"

"Yeah, you said we were going to break it to him gently," Snape said.

"What part about that was gentle?"

"You always liked him better," Snape grumbled.

Voldemort pointed his wand at Snape and screamed "Crucio!"

For a moment, nothing happened, then pink and green bubbles burst from his wand to float up around them. Voldemort looked properly mortified.

"Um, I rather guessed I was insane," Lucius said, more to halt any further argument than anything else.

Voldemort looked relieved. "Good. But a slight problem has arisen."

"Uh, what's that?"

"What do you plan to do with your newfound insanity?" Snape asked curiously.

Lucius blinked. "Do with it?" he repeated. It had never occurred to him to do anything with it other than use it for sympathy sex from Narcissa (Lucius Malfoy was not above soliciting sympathy sex from his wife).

"Yes," Snape affirmed. "You see, when you are insane, you can take certain liberties."

"I can solicit sympathy sex from people other than my wife?" he guessed.

"That," Snape conceded, "Or you could be like baldy here and use it to try to take over the world."

"I am not bald!" Voldemort snapped.

"Right, you're just taller than your hair," Snape drawled.

"So I can do...anything?" Lucius began.

"Maybe not anything," Voldemort corrected. "Perhaps you shouldn't go around eating people."

"Because it's gross?"

"No, it's just tacky."

"What would you do?" Lucius asked Snape.

Snape seemed surprised. Though he was merely a figment of Lucius's deranged mind, it had never occured to him that Lucius might actually ask his opinion.

"Well, you could put it to good," he began.

Voldemort made a farting noise. "Boooooring."

"You could get Potter laid," Snape tried again.

"Gross!"

"You could get your son laid."

"I bet he gets enough as it is," Voldemort snickered.

"You could try to get the git married," Snape said in exasperation.

Voldemort fell silent. "To who?" Lucius asked.

Snape shrugged. "Anyone, I guess."

"Make it someone he can't stand!" Voldemort demanded. "Or better yet, make it someone who can't stand him. Oooh! Make it Potter!"

"Could you live with yourself if we got Potter laid? Even if it was gay sex?" Snape asked.

"Excellent point, Severus. Do not make it Potter."

"What about that girl Potter was always with?" Snape asked.

"What? That beaver with the hedge on her head?"

"Not Granger. The redhead."

Lucius brightened. "Ginny Weasley."

(A/N: The story behind this story: Way back, like three years ago, I had this idea for a fic where Lucius tries to get Ginny and Draco together. I shelved it because I wasn't in the mood for a new project back then and when I looked at it later, I couldn't figure out why Lucius would want to put Ginny and Draco together. Lately, I've been re-reading Once Upon a Freakin' Time, Voldemort's Faithful Death Eater Larks, and Making Friendship Bracelets for the Death Eaters. And it hit me! If Lucius was insane, he could want Ginny and Draco together.

After that, it kinda all fell into place. Snape and Voldemort will be OOC in this story, but you guys probably figured that. And, in case you're wondering, they are both figments of Lucius's deranged mind. I'll try to keep everyone else kinda in character. Or not. We'll see. Also, the talking, floating pineapples are a shout out to Makani, who drew a series of comics with Lucius and Rudolphous in Azkaban. I'll send the links to anyone who wants 'em. Anyway, hope you like it so far and stay tuned for Chapter Two, wherein Narcissa shall humor Lucius.


	2. Wherein Narcissa Humors Lucius

Chapter Two

Wherein Narcissa humors Lucius.

Over the years, many have speculated how exactly Lucius convinced the very lovely, very talented Narcissa Black to marry him. Some have even gone so far as to suggest the Imperius or Love potions.

The opposite is closer to the truth.

Narcissa Black was always a woman who knew exactly what she wanted. And somewhere alone the way, Lucius became something she wanted.

It took years of cunning plans and eventually a claim of pregnancy to seal the deal. (If Lucius Malfoy thought it odd that it took his wife sixteen months to give birth to their son, he never said.)

Narcissa Malfoy now had a new problem in her way. On the one hand, she had fought hard and long for Lucius. On the other, the man was certifiable.

No doubt about it, she thought, watching him playing poker with two empty seats, it would be easiest to just off him and throw him in their lake.

"Who are you playing with?" she asked, pulling out a copy of _Teen Witch Weekly._ Occasionally, when boredom got the better of her, she wrote articles for the magazine. They were published under a psydonym. She wondered what Dairine D'Holly thought of the checks that randomly came her way.

"Snape and Voldemort," Lucius replied.

"That's nice. Tell Voldemort if he leaves another scorch mark on my rugs I will have him burned at the stake," she said from behind the magazine.

"_Nar_-cissa!" Lucius whined.

She looked at him over the edge of her paper. "Lucius. You know I will."

Narcissa would. She had never approved of the mess Lucius and his Death Eater friends made of her house. Blood stains in the parlor, scorch marks on the custom made rugs, scuff marks on the marble floors (though she did secretly think Draco and his penchance to playing Quidditch inside was to blame for the latter). The fact that Voldemort was dead made little difference to Narcissa.

Lucius relayed this to 'Voldemort'. "My Lord!" he exclaimed after listening for a moment. "Narcissa, cover your ears! Lord Voldemort, you should not speak that way around my wife!"

Lucius conferred with his friends for a few minutes then turned to Narcissa.

"Darling, what do you say to getting our son married?"

Narcissa set down her magazine. "Are you proposing an arranged marriage? Lucius, those things went out of style with hoop skirts."

"Not an arranged. Just...nudging him towards the girl of our chosing."

"Who did you have in mind?" she asked, curious.

"Ginny Weasley," Lucius said.

Narcissa stared at him. In her mind, she was drawing up a dossier on the youngest Weasley. The girl had been a year behind Draco in school and graduated as one of the top ten in her class. She was certainly pretty enough and single, from what Narcissa remembered. Added to which, she was a pureblood. The Weasleys were making a comeback. First the twins' highly successful shop, the celebrated marriage of the eldest son to Fleur and the subsequent birth of their first child. Even Ron was doing well and was on his way to becoming the youngest Minister of Magic ever.

Narcissa studied her husband, searching for an alterior motive. Finally she decided to humor him.

"Well, there are any number of ways we could go about this," she said.

"Such as?" Lucius asked.

One particular solution sprung to mind and she smiled.

"Darling, are you familiar with the Last Separation charm?"

(A/N: I like Narcissa. She's got style. I wanted to play around with her in this one though. You always read those fics where Lucius forces Narcissa to marry him. I thought it fit her character more (at least in this fic) if she was the one who tricked him into marrying her. In short, you can expect to see much of Narcissa in this fic. I have no idea how long it will be, but let's cross our fingers. In the mean time, stay tuned for chapter three, wherein Ginny shall make a startling discovery.

To Ami- I don't blame you at all. I only log in to update.


	3. Wherein Ginny Makes A Startlin Discovery

Chapter Three

Wherein Ginny Makes a Startling Discovery.

Ginny Weasley woke up, screamed and fell out of her bed.

"Damnit, Mother," the man in her bed muttered. "I'll have the elves clean it up."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!"

A male head appeared over the side, his long pale strands of hair tossled until they formed an ethereal halo around his head. He was wicked handsome and for a moment her protests died in her throat.

"Weasley? What are you doing in my room?" he asked.

"_Your_ room? Look around, you stupid gimp."

He did so, surprise hitting his face. She got to her feet even as he got off the bed.

"What the hell am I doing in your room, Weasley?" he demanded.

"That's what I want to know!" she snapped.

Draco Malfoy ran his hands through his hair and looked around. A sneer hit his face when he saw the state of her room. She felt a blush run across her face and was glad she had cleaned the room yesterday.

"Merlin, neat freak much?" he drawled.

"Could we please focus on the issue here?" she snapped. "I know I wasn't drunk enough last night to take you home."

"Excuse me?" he spluttered. "As if I would ever let you take me home! And _drunk_? You'd have to be _pissed _to consider me for sex?"

"Well, yeah," she said, as if this were common knowledge.

"I am beyond insulted, Weasley!"

"Can we focus on the problem at hand? Why are you in my room?"

He shrugged. "I have no idea."

"You have no idea?"

"Is there an echo in here? I went to bed in my bed in my flat and woke up in this hell hole."

She bristled at the hell hole part.

"Well if you don't like my place, then get the hell out," she insisted.

"Fine!" he said. He fumbled through his jeans which he had clearly been sleeping in. He pulled out his wand in triumph and nodded sharply to her. With a crack, he disapparated.

A second later, there was another crack and he re-appeared, looking confused.

"I thought you were leaving," she said.

"I tried," he said, bewildered.

"Can't you even do that right?" she sighed.

"There's something wrong with your flat," he said.

"First, it's a house. Second, there is _nothing_ wrong with my place."

"Then you try," he said nastily.

She pulled open her desk drawer and pulled out her wand. With a significant look at him, she apparated away. Only she didn't.

Halfway through the apparation, she felt an unfamiliar tug at her chest and was pulled back to her room. She stumbled and stared at Draco. "What the hell?"

He was scowling. "I might know what this is."

"Don't tell me you've been messing with Dark Arts," she said.

"No, Weasley. But I do know a lot. There are some spells that...bind people together."

"We're bound together?" she demanded.

"It's...it's a possibility."

She stared at him then tackled him. He yelped in surprise. She put her wand to his throat. "You're going to get me somewhere and fix this!"

"The only person who could know how to fix this is my father," he said.

"Your father is insane," she said.

"Tell me something I don't know," he drawled.

8()8()8

"So...got any threes?"

"Go fish," Snape said.

"Do you think they know that they're bound together?" Lucius asked, drawing a card from the pile.

"It is possible," Voldemort said. "Your son is pretty smart, as is the Weasley girl."

"He will probably come up to find you," Snape pointed out.

"Got any fives?" Voldemort asked, staring at Lucius piercingly.

"Damn," Lucius said. "How did you know?"

"I am the Dark Lord," Voldemort said.

"You're a figment of his imagination," Snape said.

"Damnit Severus! Let me have my moment, you moment-stealing whore!"

(A/N: Ah, gotta love them.

To LilyLove- Glad you like it! It's new territory for me too and I hope you continue to like.


	4. Wherin Draco Falls Repeatedly

Chapter Four

Wherein Draco Falls. Repeatedly.

"I am not getting on that," Draco said.

Ginny leaned against Sirius' flying motorcycle and waited.

"It's a deathtrap," he protested.

"You just told me that you can't Apparate to the Manor."

"No one can," he confirmed.

"Not even you?"

"Not even me. Dad is the only one who can control it and he hasn't been very reliable lately. What with him being crazy and all."

"Then that solves it. We can't apparate to the Manor and there's not a broom around that's faster than this baby," she said, caressing the leather seat fondly.

"What about Granger? We could go ask her."

She looked at him closely and grinned. "Aw! Is wittle Mawfoy afwaid of the big bad Muggle toy?"

He scowled at her and stomped over. She swung onto the bike and he swung on behind her. "Just get us to the Manor," he snapped.

"You'll want to put your arms around my waist," she told him, starting the bike.

"I will do no such thing, Weasley! I am not that sort of guy!"

"First, you are that sort of guy and everyone knows it, you platinum trollope. Secondly, if you don't put your arms around my waist, you _will_ fall off."

"I hardly believe that," he scoffed.

She hit the gas. She and the bike moved forward several feet. Draco remained where he was.

She smiled at him over her shoulder as he got back to his feet.

"You didn't let me lean forward," he protested. He got back on the bike and leaned forward. "If I lean forward I'll be fine."

He did so. She said nothing, just gunned the engine again. Once again Draco fell off the bike.

She smiled prettily at him. He got to his feet, grumbling and climbed back on the bike. "Fine," he snarled and wrapped his arms around her waist.

He could feel her stomach rumbling with ill suppressed laughter but she started. The bike went a few feet then lifted into the air. Ginny gunned the engine again and they shot off into the night.

For as much as he had complained, he found it nice to ride the motorcycle. Ginny's long ponytail swatted at him from time to time, but there was something comforting about riding up here.

"Which way?" Ginny asked over the noise of the engine.

He pointed due west. "The easiest way to get there is through the Dover entrance."

"You have entrances in more than one province?" she asked incredulously.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course. They are magically linked to the Manor itself. Technically the Australia one is the easiest, but I doubt you want to head all the way down there."

"Good call. Dover it is."

She turned and he leaned into her as they hugged the curve. He was painfully aware of her own curves. For a mad second he wished she was the one behind, those full breasts resting against his back and her swollen lips brushing his neck.

He shook those thoughts from his mind and nearly missed the tell tale flash of a magical volley being shot from below.

"Damn!" Ginny swore and banked left, hard. Draco wasn't anticipating it and felt himself falling.

"No!" Ginny screamed as he slid off the bike and began plummeting.

8()8()8

"Rummy," the Dark Lord intoned somberly.

Snape looked over at his cards. "Actually, you have to discard."

Voldemort glowered at him and gathered his cards again, muttering about moment stealing manwhores.

"I'm concerned," Lucius began.

The other two obediently looked at him. With Snape distracted, Voldemort stole a card from the deck.

"What about?" Snape asked when Lucius did not elaborate.

"I feel as if I'm not doing enough with my newfound insanity," Lucius said.

"Well, you are getting your son a faithful and pureblood wife," Voldemort pointed out. Snape reached over and took one of Voldemort's cards.

"But will it be enough? I mean, the spell only binds them together for a few days."

"That'll be plenty of time," Voldemort said, taking back his card from Snape. Since Snape realized there were no repercussions to messing with the Dark Lord, he had become much more relaxed.

"Clearly you don't remember our girl that well," Snape said. "Miss Weasley will ignore Judgment Day if it doesn't fit in with her plans."

"Well, they should be coming here soon," Lucius said thoughtfully. "If I know Draco, he'll bring her through the Dover entrance."

"Dover? Aren't the Magisters doing maneuvers over there right now?" Snape asked.

Lucius looked thrilled. "That's right. And they have that new recruit."

"Who?" Voldemort asked.

"Harry Potter," Snape said, enjoying it perhaps a little too much.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes then suddenly smiled. It was like viewing a lovesick crocodile.

"Hey, Snape?"

"Voldemort," Snape sighed. "We are not aiding, abetting, instigating or otherwise having any sort of hand in the death and or murder of Harry Potter."

"Damn."

(A/N: The whole bit with the motorcycle and Draco's inability to stay on it is from an episode of Monk where Monk has the same problems. His solution and Draco's (to lean forward) won't work on a real motorcycle. Take my word for it. If you go biking, hold on. :) Stay tuned for Chapter five, wherein Narcissa shall discover the inherent flaw in Lucius's plan.


	5. Wherin Narcissa Discovers the Inherent F

Chapter Five

Wherein Narcissa Discovers the Inherent Flaw in Lucius's Plan.

Even insane, Lucius Malfoy had lost none of his charm.

Narcissa Malfoy stretched happily in the bed and looked at the clock. It was nearly noon, though it did not feel that late to her. She'd always been a late riser anyway.

She sat up, the silk sheets sliding from her shoulders to puddle at her waist. Breakfast was waiting on the side table, doubtless charmed to remain warm. Beside it sat a stack of books and parchments, the remnants of her research of the night before.

At the sight of them, a frown hit her pretty face. She'd spent the previous night investigating the Weasley girl and it had been a night of surprises galore (not the least of which was the interesting new sex pose her husband had learned).

Ginny Weasley was a quietly successful Mediwitch for the Chudley Cannons. The Cannons were out of the Cup running and not yet started on their off season training so the girl was probably just killing time doing something or other. She'd taken the Mediwitch training and aced it a full year ahead of schedule. This pleased Narcissa greatly, for Draco had been an accident prone child and Narcissa's limited medical training had been put to the ultimate test.

In any case, that was but one of the surprises the Weasley family held.

Apparently, the Weasleys and the Malfoys were related.

It was some seven hundred years ago and it was by marriage and niether Ginny nor Draco were direct descendants of the pair that married, but it was still there.

Narcissa Malfoy had no intention of having grandchildren born with three eyes or two noses. It was not going to happen. She would not tolerate incestuous grandbabies.

On the other hand...it was several hundred years ago. Chances are there would be no ill effects.

Still, she resolved to set Lucius on the subject of birth defect preventing diseases.

And it wasn't like Ginny and Draco would be bound together. There was an aspect to the Last Separation charm Narcissa had not told her husband and frankly, he was having too much fun for her to try and ruin his enjoyment.

She pulled her breakfast to her and set the issues out of her mind.

8()8()8

If there was one thing he was going to regret, Draco thought as he fell towards the unforgiving trees below, it was that he'd never just kissed a girl.

Oh, he'd made out with countless girls. He'd snogged them silly as he slipped his hand up their bras. He'd bruised their lips as a precursor to sex. Hell, he'd had more sex than Barney Stinson.

But he'd never just kissed a girl. Just put his lips against her for the mere satisfaction of physical contact.

Draco sighed, the sound lost in the rush of the air as he fell. Nothing for it now, he thought.

He closed his eyes and accepted the fact that he was going to die.

"Gotcha!"

Something snagged his wrist and he yelped in surprise as his travel went from vertical to horizontal.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Ginny. She was still on the bike, holding his wrist. She looked slightly pale and slightly green at the same time, like she was debating whether to faint or vomit. He irrationally hoped it was the former of the two.

"Thanks," he said but she either couldn't hear him or was distracted by the magical volley that rushed towards them.

She mouthed something that was probably nasty in origin. Before he could think better of it, he reached up and yanked on the handlebars. She hollered in surprise but followed his lead, twisting the bike to the left.

They made a few more yards before a third attack hit them. Neither of them saw it coming. Ginny screamed as it hit her and the bike but her grip on his hand never wavered. She gritted her teeth and turned the bike so hard he wondered if he would get whiplash.

Another flash of light but suddenly there was something different about the world.

Namely, Draco was underwater. Ginny's death grip had failed and he'd fallen this time, landing in the small inlet. His clothes clung to him and he struggled to the surface.

His head broke even as something large struck the water, sending a wave to crash against his head. He spluttered but regained his composure as he saw what must have fallen.

It was the bike.

He started for the bike then realized he had his wand on him. He stroked for the shore. As soon as he had ground beneath his feet, he pointed his wand to the general area of the bike.

"Accio Ginny," he said.

There was a pause then the redhead shot towards him. He levitated her when she got closer and took her to the shore. She wasn't moving.

He knelt beside her still form and was trying to figure out what to do when the men burst from the woods. He recognized the green robes of the Magisters immediately but he was too concerned about Ginny to give a shit.

Two of them hit him like muggle football players and he went down, his wand in their possession.

One of the men knelt beside Ginny then shook his head.

_What the FUCK did that mean?_

"Let me go!" he said. His voice cracked and he took a deep breath before trying again. This time, he injected as much Malfoy contempt as he could into his tone.

"You're coming with us," one of the men said.

"Sorry, but I'm not into that kinky stuff."

"By the order of the Magister," the man began again.

"Take your Magistry and shove it up your arse," Draco sneered. "You have no cause to keep or detain me. You all may be untouchable in the regular world, but if you keep this up, you will enter my world and there aren't any 'dying of old age' cards in here."

"Boy, you do not know who you are messing with."

"The same could be said of you, you overgrown twit. Now let me go and assist me in helping Miss Weasley there."

"Miss Weasley?" the man said, growing pale. "Oh hell. Potter's not going to like this."

"What does that git have to do with anything?" Draco snarled.

"Silence him and take him to headquarters."

"Answer me, you noxious bint!"

"What about the girl?" one of the other men asked.

"Leave her. We can't bother with the dead."

(A/N: Now before you go getting out your pitchforks and torches, bear in mind that this story is _not_ finished. Mmkay? Also, Barney Stinson is a character from the TV series _How I Met Your Mother_. For those of you not familiar with the series, he basically runs around trying to get laid all the time. It works more often than not. Anyway, stay tuned for Chapter Six, wherein Draco shall develop feelings.


	6. Wherein Draco Develops Feelings

Chapter Six

Wherein Draco Develops _Feelings_.

It was all going quite swimmingly until Ginny decided to die. Draco sat in the dungeons, arms wrapped around his knees and staring down at the stone floor.

Dead. The word reverberated in his mind, echoing more damningly than the iron door had when it closed.

Weasley couldn't be dead. He absolutely refused to deal with that. And it wasn't his fault...was it?

He reviewed the events and had to admit that it was at least partially his fault. Damn. When had that happened?

There was a sudden popping sound and he looked up. Ginny Weasley was on the other side of the bars. She was lying on the ground, still wet and still dead. He sighed and lowered his head again. Of course she would follow him. The binding spell wouldn't expire for a few days yet so unless one of them died, they'd be stuck together.

Unless...one of them...died...

The words racketed around in his head for a second then spurned him to motion faster than if he'd sat on a hotplate.

He stretched his arm through the bars. He could just barely reach her jacket and he curled his fingers around it, pulling. She was heavy but he managed to drag her closer. He cupped his fingers under her chin and pulled her head through the bars. He tried to remember what little he'd learned about medicine.

He searched her neck until he found the right spot. Sure enough, a weak, thready pulse beat there. Relief filled his viens, a heady, rushing sensation.

Rocking back on his heels, he studied her. She had a pulse. Why wasn't she awake?

He studied her then it hit him. She wasn't breathing. Her chest should be rising and falling gently, but it wasn't.

He felt her pulse again. It was weaker and he realized she was dying right before him. He had to get her breathing again.

Wracking his brain he suddenly shuddered as a solution came to mind. It was gross but he owed her his life. If this was what it took to even the score...

He slipped his own head through the bars and, after a second's hesitation, lowered his lips to hers. Her lips were cold and still. He put his fingers to her jaw and opened her mouth before blowing into her mouth. He felt his own breath on his chin as it came out her nose. He pinched her nose shut and tried again.

It took three minutes of this before she shuddered beneath him. He pulled his face back and his fingers flew to her neck, feeling the pulse pick up beneath his hands.

He scooted back before her eyes opened.

She sat up haltingly, looking around in surprise.

"What happened?"

He thought about how she'd saved his life and decided to lie.

"A spell hit the bike. We fell off. I landed in a lake. I think you landed in the shallows and hit your head. The Magisters came and I don't think they saw you. Anyway, they took me and left you. The binding spell brought you here a few minutes ago."

She reached back into her hair, as if feeling for a bruise.

"I hate to stop this rivetting display," he drawled. "But do you think you could get me out of here?"

She shook her head and got to her feet. She pulled out her wand then thought better of it. "I doubt this'll do much damage. Medicine was always my strong suit, not destructive spells."

"So go find a pry bar," he said.

"A pry bar?" she repeated.

"Yes, Weasley, a pry bar. So I can get out of this stupid cell."

She rolled her eyes but turned and disapeared around a corner.

He rose to his feet and paced the cell. He knew getting out wasn't going to be easy but he wasn't above lying and cheating his way out. If the Magisters found Ginny by herself, they wouldn't think twice, just take her to Potter or her brothers. Unfortunately, there was no way to know if the binding spell would bring her to him or him to her. He didn't fancy the idea of getting transported to a room full of Weasleys. Especially seeing as he'd personally tormented four of the six.

Something metal clattered to the ground at his feet. He stopped his pacing and looked down.

A full set of keys lay before him.

He looked up and over to Ginny where she stood on the other side of the bars, a triumphant smile on her face.

"Well," he began after a moment. "It's not a pry bar."

(A/N: No Lucy this chapter. Sorry to all my Lucy fans out there. Oh, and the ending bit about the pry bar is from the movie _The Road To Eldorado_. If you haven't seen it, do so. It's adorable. In any case, stay tuned for Chapter Seven, wherein Draco does not do good for his own benefit.

To LilyLove- I do try but sometimes I get distracted and then I'm like, this is a great place to end the chapte.


	7. Wherein Draco Does Not Do Good For His O

Chapter Seven

Wherein Draco Does Not Do Good for his Own Benefit.

"What now?" Ginny asked quietly as he unlocked his cell.

Draco ran a hand through his hair. "If we can get to the Manor, we should be fine. Magisters they may be, but they won't be getting into the Manor without permission."

"How are we getting into the manor without permission?" she asked.

"I'm a Malfoy," he said haughtily. "I don't need permission."

"Lovely," she replied. "And will I be able to get in as well?"

"Hey, it's not like the Magisters are going to hurt you. They think you're one of the good guys."

"Right, and when this spell drags your ass back to me, I'm sure my brothers will be more than happy to disembowel you with a blunt shovel."

"A blunt shovel?"

"A vague disclaimer is no one's friend," she said with a smile. As much as he hated himself for it, he liked that smile of hers.

"So we stick together and try not to get taken, seperately or otherwise. I can't say I'm fond of this plan," he said.

"Join the club, Malfoy. I'm no happier about this than you are."

"Oh, shit," he said and snatched her hand. He yanked her back and into his chest, putting a hand over her mouth.

To her credit, she followed his lead and kept her mouth shut. Her breath tickled his hand where it came out her nose. He felt her moving and knew she had her wand out and he repeated the gesture. Of course, little good it would do them against the two Magisters that were walking down the hall towards where they hid in the shadows.

Draco felt his adrenalin spike as the two green robed men drew closer. Magic was out of the question. The Magisters would feel it a mile away. So it came down to good ole fashioned sneaking and hiding. Luckily, Draco had a lot of experience in that.

So did Ginny, apparently. She pulled something out of her pocket and tossed it down the hall with a flick of her wrist.

The two Magisters fell silent then pulled their wands out. Draco took Ginny's lead and cast a quick spell. Something pale and luminescent appeared down at the other end of the hall, near where Ginny's projectile landed. Draco directed it as the Magisters ran after his image.

"And here I thought Magisters were smart," Ginny said behind his hand.

"Can't even tell a Patronus," he said with a smirk.

"Can't blame them," she said. "I've never seen a Patronus that looked like a Pegasus before."

He stiffened but did not deny it.

The silence stretched out between the two of them then Ginny jerked her chin to the left. "That way." It was a command, not a question and carried such authority that Draco was halfway to following her lead when his Slytherin sense of preservation kicked in.

"Whoa, there, Weasley. That's the direction those Magisters came from," he said.

"Which means it's the way out. Why bother guarding dead ends?"

"Be that as it may, it stands to reason that that is also the direction of the _rest_ of the Magisters. I don't know about you but I hadn't planned on dying today."

"So take me hostage."

"Come again?"

"How far is it to the entrance to the manor?"

"About three miles," he said.

"Then the bike can get us there."

"The bike is at the bottom of the lake," he pointed out.

"Not that thing. Sirius gave it to me and it follows me like a sad lost puppy. It's waiting outside. You can count on it," she said in a tone that said she had tried such experiments in the past and had seen enough to support that hypothesis.

"So I'm just going to take you hostage?"

"The more you talk about this, the longer this will take. Just walk behind me. If you see a Magister, put your arm around my neck and your wand to my throat. Say you'll kill me if they do anything."

"What makes you think they'll care?"

"Because they've been trying to recruit me since I graduated Med school," she said with a wry twist of her lips. "And Harry is a Magister."

"I was trying to forget that," he said. He fell into step behind her, admiring the view. Her clothes were still wet and they clung to her shapely ass.

"Stop looking at my ass."

"I wasn't looking at your ass," he said.

"Now don't kill any of them," she said suddenly. He caught the warning in her tone and just had his arm around her and his wand to her throat when three Magisters appeared around the corner.

"Ginny!" the middle one said and Draco winced to see it was Harry Potter.

"Oh, hey, Harry."

"Shut up," Draco snapped. "Potter, you come with us. You're going to lead us out of here," he sneered.

"I don't think so," Harry returned.

Draco tightened his grip on Ginny, enjoying both the look that crossed Harry's face and the warmth of Ginny's breasts against his arm. He had to resist leering down at her drenched cleavage. He pointed the wand at Harry. "C'mon, Potter. Do a mate a favor."

"You won't get away with this," Harry said.

"Please can I kill him?" Draco murmured into Ginny's ear.

"No," she hissed back.

"You are so demanding," he said. "Fine, Potter. The lady says I can't kill you. Say good night."

He cast the Full Body Bind three times in rapid succesion, taking more than a bit of pleasure in the heavy thunk that sounded when Harry hit the ground.

"Well that was easy," Ginny muttered then shrieked when Draco snatched her by the waist and threw her over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she yelled.

"I have to make it look good, Weasley. You wouldn't want me to ruin my carefully designed charade, would you?"

"Malfoy, they're all unconscious."

"Opps," he said but did not set her down. He rather liked having an excuse to be holding her thighs like this.

8()8()8

"Risk!" Lucius crowed.

"Lucius, you don't have to say Risk every time you capture a new country," Snape said.

Lucius pouted.

"What's next?" Voldemort asked, cracking his pink gum. As with Snape, he'd mellowed out a bit since this whole insanity ordeal began.

"We should bring that Weasley boy into this," Snape mused.

"Which one?" Voldemort sniggered.

"The youngest. Isn't he super protective?" Lucius asked.

"Well if you don't know, we can't help you," Snape pointed out.

"Why not bring in the whole lot?" Voldemort asked.

(A/N: Ah, I love Draco. Yes, he does want to shag Ginny. Stay tuned for chapter eight, wherein Narcissa Shall Deal with the situation quite nicely. And, as always, sorry for the delay.


	8. Wherein Narcissa Handles Things Quite Ni

Chapter Eight

Wherein Narcissa Deals With the Situation Quite Nicely

"FATHER!"

Narcissa Malfoy, a vodka martini in hand, came into the main hall. Her son stood in the doorway, a pretty redhead hovering not far behind.

"Draco, don't just stand there. You're letting all the nice cold air out. Do come in. Miss Weasley, I presume. Do fix yourself a drink, my dear. I imagine you've had a long day. Draco, your father was in his study last I saw. Do be respectful of the carpets. I just had them cleaned."

Draco, who was quite used to his mother's rather straightforward and one-track mind, pulled Ginny into the house and shut the door.

"Ginny, you'd best come with me," Draco said.

"I don't imagine you want your lady friend to see you burn a hole in your father's head. She can stay here," Narcissa said, moving to the side bar to fix another drink.

Draco hesitated.

"You needn't worry," Narcissa said. "That lovely spell your father put on the pair of you won't drag the little lady back to you. Not in this house."

Draco nodded. He still looked hesitant and Narcissa gave him a look that said he would be best to leave _now_.

Draco, being a brilliant boy, left without another word. Ginny looked a bit shell shocked.

"Do you drink, Miss Weasley?"

"Uh, I just turned legal a few weeks ago. I haven't really done much experimenting," Ginny said.

"Then I'll pick for you," Narcissa said. She poured a scotch neat. "Try this, my dear."

Ginny did so and nodded with thanks.

"Good, now what are your intentions towards my son?"

Ginny choked and a house elf appeared and patted her on the back until she recovered.

"I'd like to get this spell off the two of us," she said when she'd recovered.

"Really? Even if you knew what the spell truly was?"

"Huh?"

"MOTHER! FATHER IS NOT IN HIS STUDY!" Draco shouted from somewhere upstairs.

"Don't shout, son," Narcissa said loudly. "He's probably hiding in the kitchen."

"Thanks, Mum," Draco said, appearing on the balcony that overlooked the main hall. He sprinted to the other end and disappeared again.

"What were you talking about?" Ginny asked.

"There are a lot of spells to bind a pair of people together. Do you know a spell called the Last Separation?"

"I've heard of it in passing," she admitted. "Is that what Lucius put on us?"

"Yes. Are you aware of how it works?"

"Not really."

"The spell does not work unless certain requirements are met."

Ginny went still and Narcissa wondered if the girl had made the connection.

"MOTHER!"

"Draco, son, what have I told you about shouting?"

Draco appeared over the edge of the railing. "Sorry, Mum. He's not in the kitchen."

"Try the library, son. And before you ask, I'd suggest you try all of them."

"Right. Thanks."

"The Last Separation," Ginny began quietly once Draco had disappeared again. "It doesn't work unless both the parties feel for each other. Unless they don't want to be separated."

"Yes," Narcissa said, finishing off her drink. She poured another.

"Are you trying to get drunk?"

Narcissa looked at her martini. "My dear child, I came to terms with this several days ago. Well, the part about you caring for my son. I've known for a while that my son cared for you."

"I think I should get drunk," Ginny said, downing her drink.

"Drunk or sober, the results won't change, my little girl."

Ginny winced. "But what do I do now?"

"You can find my husband and have him remove the spell but it still won't change the facts. Or you can marry my son."

"Huh? You mean you'd be okay with it?"

"My dear child, if I hadn't been, do you really think I would have let my silly husband cast that spell in the first place?"

"My brothers are going to freak out," Ginny said. She poured a drink but it was iced tea this time.

"Oh, most definitely. Now, you can always send them my way. I dare say I can handle a few rowdy boys."

"For your sake, I hope so," Ginny muttered.

_I'm gonna have the cutest grandbabies_, Narcissa thought, studying Ginny's classic profile.

(A/N: Really do love Narcissa. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, my dears. Hope you like! Stay tuned for Chapter Nine, wherein Ginny shall be distracted.


	9. Wherein Ginny is Distracted

Chapter Nine

Wherein Ginny is Distracted

Draco raced back into the central hall, hitting the railing of the balcony. He was about to shout down to his mother when he noticed that Ginny was looking a little sick. He saw his Mom was drinking and he wondered if Ginny had challenged his Mom to a drinking contest. Having known his Mom and her perchance for drink, he knew it was a bad idea.

He thought about hollering to his Mom but changed his mind. He put a hand on the railing and vaulted over it. Ginny looked up as he did and he felt a surge of pride and delight at the look of surprise and concern that hit her face. He landed lightly on the marble floor below and peeked at her through his bangs. She looked relieved and a bit put out. His Mom was mimicking the look.

"Draco, son, how many times have I told you not to do that?" she asked with a sigh.

"Sorry, Mother. Am I right in thinking that Father is not in the house?"

"You would know better than me, darling," she said, taking another sip.

"Would I be right in thinking that you knew about his absence from before I came?"

"You really mustn't indulge in these fantasies of yours. It's not healthy."

"Is that so? Mother, what did you do to Ginny?" he asked, looking at the redhead who was looking a bit shocked still.

"Your girlfriend and I were just discussing some solutions to the situation your silly father has put you two in."

"She's not my girlfriend," Draco said, knowing that this was the easiest way to diffuse that manipulative look in his mother's eyes.

"Oh, then you should be available to take Pansy to the gala next week."

"I might be enticed to do so," he said, meaning nothing of the sort. "But to do that, I'm going to need to find Father and get this spell off the two of us. Unless you'd care to remove the spell for us..."

"I think not," Narcissa said, belting back the last of her drink and turning to fix another. Draco nudged her out of the way and poured her a drink. He took care to use her least favorite liquor. She looked at him reproachfully but drank it.

"I guess you can't do it then," he said.

"Do not try that trick on me, son. I could do anything I want. I just don't want to. Please do not be so childish as to try and force my hand."

"C'mon, Mother," he wheedled. "Don't you want to hook me and Pansy up? I'll even go on a real date with the slut."

"I have changed my mind," she said. "You shall take Miss Weasley. She will borrow that burgundy gown of mine."

"MOTHER!" Draco groaned.

"You're quite right. The midnight green gown will look much better on her."

"Mrs Malfoy," Ginny said, snapping out of her stupor. "I will be more than happy to accompany your son to the gala next week but to do that, I believe it would benefit all involved if this spell was off us by then."

Narcissa fairly beamed at Draco. "And you wonder why I like this one better. I will agree to this. If by the end of the week, you cannot find your father, I will remove the spell myself."

"Not good enough," Ginny said, though Draco was ready to accept it. "We need you to help us. Give us a heading."

Narcissa had that sort of look on her face, the kind that said I don't want to do this but I respect your gall and I will respect/try to destroy you for the rest of your life.

"What a joy you are, child. This is going to be a great challenge."

8()8()8()8

Lucius Malfoy had wisely chosen to leave the manor just after his wards informed him that his son had arrived on the premises. It wasn't that the idea of facing Draco terrified him. Far from it. You didn't survive half a lifetime of dealing with a seriously dark wizard only to be scared of you son.

Now, Ginny Weasley was a different matter entirely.

He had run across the little spit fire some years ago, just before his visit to Azkaban. He had successfully managed to block out most of that encounter from his memory. However, one thing had struck him with lasting precision. The look on her face when she'd threatened him.

That was the face of a girl who meant what she said.

"Then why the hell did we bother hooking her and Draco up if you're terrified of her?" Snape wanted to know. Lucius was riding his broom along the coast of England, trying to come up with a good place to disappear to for a few days or so.

Snape and Voldemort were riding some winged thing that would have belonged in the ranks of Tolkien's most badass inventions if it weren't for the color (a mottled mix of navy blue and lemon yellow).

"Don't look at me," Lucius said. "I'm just listening to you two."

"Fine role models you've picked," Snape sighed. Voldemort was busy trying to figure out how to open the box of Tolberone.


	10. Wherein Hermione is the Prime Example of

Chapter Ten

Wherein Hermione Sets a Prime Example of the Term Woman Scorned

Hermione Granger had put up with much in her lifetime. Including being in love with a clueless idiot. There were things she had learned to deal with. Ron's incredible lack of tact and his inability to think before he spoke were just routine by now.

But there was one thing that she was not prepared or willing to cope with. She would not be ignored.

Which was exactly what Ron was doing right now.

Hermione folded her arms across her chest and waited. Ron, who had a finely tuned sense of self preservation, did not take long to ascertain that his girlfriend/fiance (the term varied depending on who Hermione was talking to) was waiting for his attention. He paused the video game and looked at her.

"Hey, Mione. What's up?"

"What is Lucius Malfoy doing in our basement?"

Ron blinked.

"Huh?"

She did not answer, just turned and walked out of the room. Ron scrambled to his feet and followed. She led the way to the basement door and pushed it open. They both looked down. Sitting at the card table down there, was Lucius Malfoy.

"This is unexpected," Ron said.

"What do you intend to do about it?"

Ron blinked again.

"What do you mean?" He leaned down. "Malfoy, what are you doing in my basement?"

"I'm hiding from your sister," Lucius replied instantly.

"Fair enough," Ron said. He moved to shut the door again.

"What the hell are you doing?"

ROn looked at Hermione. "What? Ginny scares me too."

"I don't believe it," Hermione muttered. She stormed off and into the kitchen. She began cleaning, which was what she did when she was annoyed. She pulled out her rubber gloves and attacked the stove, then the sink, then she pulled out a trash bag and went through the old take out containers in the fridge then she took a steel wool pad to the fixtures, including the pipes beneath the sink which didn't really need to be done but she found it relaxing.

Ron had not made an appearance and when Hermione was done, she went to find him. It was simply how they did things. She went and worked off her aggression. He let her. Then they made up. He did most of the making up but she was fine with that. He was usually more in the wrong anyway.

Ron was not in the living room. Hermione searched their little house and could not find him. Then she looked in the basement.

Ron was sitting at the card table. Across from Lucius Malfoy.

"I need a new boyfriend," Hermione muttered. She walked down the stairs. Ron and Lucius looked up. Ron looked a bit guilty.

"What are you doing?"

"Playing cards," Ron replied.

"Are you kidding me?" she demanded. "I try to get you to play games with me every week and Malfoy shows up and you're suddenly game for anything?"

"Uh..." Ron began, looking cagey.

"Malfoy, if you're going to steal my boyfriend, at least give me something in return," she sighed.

Lucius looked to the side, as if listening to someone. "Well now that's a thought," he said.

He rose to his feet and rounded the table. Before Hermione quite knew what was happening, he had her by the waist. He pulled her flush against him and she felt her face heat up. Then he was leaning down and his lips were almost on his.

"Malfoy, I think it's time for you to leave," Ron said. He sounded calm but he had Lucius in a head lock.

"Hermione, how do you feel about going bowling some time?"

Hermione decided to forgive her boyfriend.

8888

"Well, we're on the run again," Snape observed. "Do you think we might have done something a bit more effective?"

"Don't be silly. That Granger chick was all ready to jump Lucy's bones," Voldemort said.

"Really?" Lucius asked, grinning a bit. Sure he loved his wife but any self respecting man in his early (late) forties wanted a nineteen year old chasing him.

"She's going to follow us, you know that right?"

"Let the games begin," Voldemort chortled.

"And may the odds be ever in your favor," Snape replied.

(A/N: ha! I love Lucy. And yes, Hermione will be back, as will Ron.

Works cited: May the odds be ever in your favor is of course from The Hunger Games.

To Bel- Glad you like them. I really enjoy writing Snape and Voldie in this context.


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